Life never works out how you planned.
Dreams can come true,
But others dreams are just never meant to be,
Did I ever see myself with a family?
Did I ever see myself in a long term relationship?
I did. Once.
But that dream has faded.
Did I think it would all be confusion?
No I didn’t.
Sometimes, dreams don’t plan out like you wanted,
And you slowly realize you are becoming your favorite character.
Destined to be alone,
Never finding the one.
Thinking you found it,
But seeing that you are off track.
Only to keep trying but missing the one that got away.
Sometimes you wish you would’ve tried harder,
But in the end, the only thing you got is just yourself,
The dreams in your head,
And a life with no real direction…
In a pondering moment,
To think about a life I’ve lived,
And the future forthcoming.
I am a man, this is clear.
I am passionate,
I am caring,
I am loved,
I am compassionate,
I am a designer,
I will make you laugh,
I am cunty,
I am thoughtful
I will make you happy,
I am busy,
I am opinionated,
I am a listener,
I will love you unconditionally,
I will be your best friend,
I am determined,
I will be amazing,
I am lonely,
I am confusing,
I will never fight,
I will listen to you talk for hours,
I will debate with you and respect your thoughts and ideas,
And still love you in the end,
I am amazing,
I am a dreamer and a doer,
I am single and fear I always will be,
But who am I?
I am me,
But to someone I am amazing.
And I will be there everything.
Who am I?
I am just me and that is good enough.
That I know for sure.
But life changes and the changes can be unforeseen.
When something doesn’t work out,
Things much change.
I know while my last relationship wasn’t the greatest.
Nor was it the best time of my life.
I felt empty, like I was missing something even though I had everything I wanted.
I guess it was the person wasn’t what I wanted.
An intelligent conversation was something they could never hold,
And they only wanted ONE thing.
A relationship about that was always faulted.
When it ended I was sad, for a moment.
I gave a year of my life to work on something that didn’t fulfill me mentally or emotionally.
I was empty, even before the end.
When ‘I Love you’ is said out of connivence and has no real feeling to it.
Now I have this time to reflect,
Think about what happened,
And how it was ended, not face to face but over the phone.
That’s no way to say goodbye.
Now time has past,
And there are prospect of starting anew.
It’s time to move on, beyond the past.
Hopefully the next will be better than the last.
Where it is one where we support each other and there is no jealousy.
Where we go on adventures together,
And I never have to spend a moment without you.
We will be each other rocks,
We will laugh and never take anything too serious,
We will have the relationship I aspire to have,
We will have an amazing life, where moments are not wasted.
You will be my everything.
My sky, my moon, my stars, and my oceans.
There will never be anyone else but you.
You will always bring a smile to my face,
When I hold your hand I’ll never let go,
No matter who is around.
When you call, I’ll always pick up,
I will never let you go.
I will be amazing.
I won’t repeat the past.
You will make me whole, while I hopefully do the same for you.
You won’t be a rebound, you’ll be the one.
How I wish you’d show up.
So our lives together can finally begin.
I never really talk about it much.
There isn’t much need to.
I’ll make a casual reference to something and only replace their name with ‘that idiot that had teeth that look like busted window panes.’
The relationship I had wasn’t anything amazing.
It was nothing to write home about or tell anyone about.
It was just something that dragged along till an end.
An end that should have happen well before the year mark.
I haven’t though about this person much since it ended.
I do remember the parting words, ‘Maybe someday we can rekindle this again.’
With a stupid phrase like that my memory was suddenly about the year and half was erased.
I was over it and I was onto bigger and better things.
But now enough time has past and I’ve begun to reflect.
Thinking about the annoyances,
The sorta good times,
The very rare amazing times,
And I think about my ablitlity to handle a relationship.
When I reflect on this year I think about all the things I missed,
All the people I could’ve dated,
Only to end up with this one.
I felt like I could do better.
Even in the more personal moments, I was thinking of someone else.
Someone better, someone I already met,
Someone more amazing than what I was settling with.
I feel when this happens, it’s time to get out.
As I was ending up in a relationship my professional life was finally changing.
When a life long dream happens, you can’t let something like that go,
And a relationship shouldn’t hold you back,
It should help you grow,
But when it becomes a race over jealousy, something like this cannot survive.
It also came down to friends as well.
With my friends we can laugh for hours and nothing is ever serious.
With their friends they didn’t know how to laugh and alcohol was always needed.
Maybe they were too white trash for me,
It is still unclear in my mind.
I need someone classier, who can laugh at my jokes, and just makes me happy to be around,
Who knows where I’ll end up,
Who knows if I’ll ever have kids
But I know one chapter is over,
And most importantly I learned,
Never to repeat those mistakes.
I know the next chapter will be better than the last.